But perhaps instead of trying to fight my addiction, I should just give in.

I can always say no, even if they say yes.  But if I let myself dream and hope, perhaps it will help my feelings of restlessness.  My plan: look into the GRE (even if I don't need it for my Masters, I hear its good to have for a PhD) and apply to two to three schools that I'd consider attending if I got enough funding.  (Which is why Multnomah is out.  As much as I wanted to go there, I can't afford it, and they didn't offer enough financial aid to make up for it.)

In the meantime, I should follow Dan's advice and keep myself immersed in biblical and theological texts so as to not get out of practice (just in case).

The prospect of going back to school is an exciting one.  If money were not a factor, I'd be there without a doubt.  Which, of course, leads me to the question: why the heck is it so expensive?  I mean, come on.  No one getting a theology degree is ever going to make any amount of money.  How do they expect us to pay for our schooling with the prospects we have?  Alas.

And so, for a little while, I will let myself dream.

It is the Monday of another week, and the first Monday of November.  It is hard to believe that it is November already.  I'm really not ready.  But in a week, I'm going for a three day VISTA training in Seattle.  We'll get to stay in a hotel, so I'm going to pretend it's vacation.  (I can't afford to go on real vacations...)

I miss going on field trips.  When I was at Prairie, I turned everything into a field trip.  But I had friends there to come along with me, so it was possible.

My church is offering classes for credit, but I can't pay for things like that, especially when I already have an undergrad Theology degree.  However, I just found out you can audit a class for $50, which sounds amazing.  Next quarter/semester I might just have to sign up. 

I guess that's really all I have for now.

Okay, that's a lie.  I'm not moving.

But I wish I were moving.  I'm tired of living in the suburbs (and one where all it does is rain).  I want to move to a tiny little town where I can walk everywhere, where people greet each other, where life is a bit slower.  For all of the nuisances, I loved living in Three Hills.   I could walk just outside of town and watch the sunset.  I didn't have to decide which grocery to go to because there was only one.  And I know I should not make the snow into something good, but I loved the crunch of frozen snow under my feet as I made my way anywhere.  There is something lovely about the cold and the snow and the ice and the hoar frost.

I do not want to move back to Three Hills (let's face it, too much drama there), but I do want to live in another small town someday.  One with all four distinct seasons. 

I can dream.